i may or may not be watching the land before time
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
