is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
