a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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