Soap is not a condiment
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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