Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize