just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's paint friendship bongs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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