and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
