i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize