I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
