how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
