is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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