Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
