so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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