yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
