the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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