Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
