I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize