Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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