Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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