do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
