and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
being pregnant is like rehab
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
