Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA