i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."