You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory