Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.