My sheets look like a crime scene.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.