I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.