Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months