I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
