I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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