Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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