I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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