Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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