i just had sex bonerless
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
