is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
