my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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