Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
