Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
