$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
