Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
