dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize