I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
