i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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