My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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