bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
