My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love having hate sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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