My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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