How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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