I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
