My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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