i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize