I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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