she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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