apparently the secret to your success is patron
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
