i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
