I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
