Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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