Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
