We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
