It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
