you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
