There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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