no, he came in my armpit
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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