and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
