My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
