just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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