i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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