if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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