Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
