I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
