I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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