She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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