ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
